“Ninety-Nine perfect of failures come from people who have a habit of making excuses.” -George Washington
So I am not claiming to be a relationship expert by any means, let alone a long distance relationship expert, but let’s just point out a few problems that most people run into when deciding to be in a long distance relationship.
Problem: “It’s never worked out before with any other one I have been in, the significant other ended up hating me.”
Solution: I’m sorry did I suddenly contract amnesia and forget that I’m your ex? This is a very unfair statement to make because this means you are comparing your current partner with a past partner, which clearly didn’t work out. This may be because of the distance, but even so it was a different person entirely. It is unfair to tell your current partner this is the reason it’s not going to work out because he/she is not the same person as your ex. The relationship will be different once your partner moves away, but whose to say that it would end up having a negative impact on the relationship?
Problem: “We will grow apart because of the distance.”
Solution: This is such a copout. The only reason this would be true is if you stopped trying to be in a relationship. Relationships need communication, no matter if you live 5 minutes away or 5 hours away. They also need intimate contact, which can be (usually a guys perspective) the reason people grow apart. This is not the only thing that relationships should be based around. Sex is so important in a relationship, but I think our society relies on it too much for intimacy. It is a common misconception that sex=intimacy. This is not true. Intimacy: a close, familiar, and usually affectionate or loving personal relationship with another people or group. (dictionary.com) This definition says NOTHING about sex. This talks about the bond you share with someone, which should not revolve around sex. I am not saying sex isn’t important because I think it is, but what I am saying is that maybe the long distance will allow you and your partner to take your relationship past the superficial level and into the deeper level of getting to know one another in more than just a physical manner.
Problem: “We won’t be able to see each other often.”
Solution: If it’s important to you, you will make the effort and the time. You will drive the five hours to go see her/him one-two times a month so you are able to see him/her. If you don’t want to make that effort, that is a different story. This means you shouldn’t have been together this long because both people need to be making equal efforts. Every relationship needs effort put into it. Long distance relationships are more of a sacrifice to your weekends, but if you would rather be doing something else than seeing your partner, after not seeing them for at least two weeks, then you need to reevaluate your priorities. The grass ain greener on the other side, it’s green where you water it. If you don’t want to water your grass anymore, then be straight up about it. But don’t act like you won’t be able to see each other because of the distance.
Problem: “I don’t want to hold you back from opportunities that you might have here.”
Solution: EEEERRRR???? …. What? Stop right there. I’m sorry, but this clearly has been a waste of my and your time being together. Don’t you think that I would have already left you if I thought that I wanted to be with someone else? Or is this reverse psychology shit that you’re trying to pull? Are you saying you want me to be able to do what I want so that you can browse through your new town as a single man? So…. does that mean when you find nothing better you want to get back together? Sorry bro. Doesn’t work like that. I promise that if you want to end things because of this reason I will find and take opportunities as they present themselves. In all seriousness, this is another copout. If I wanted to take another opportunity (don’t think I haven’t been offered) I already would have. It wouldn’t take you moving away for me to take the other opportunity. I haven’t taken these opportunities because I care about you and I like our relationship enough to continue to work on it and improve it.
So if you are going to use any of these “problems” as an excuse to not at least try long distance, save it.
Life as I see it.
Not A Typical Blonde